Powerful Metaphor for Growth....
xciting and intense session and we were smashing through some boundaries that the client had presented, which was fantastic because we were really clearing the way for the next period. We got to a point in the session and the client was suddenly struck with sense of realism that this was going to be an uphill struggle to get the goal.
If you could imagine setting a goal, then working out the overall strategy of how you will achieve it, and then getting down to the core action steps. It can put people under great pressure to work out their most important values and realise that some of the less important activities must be sacrificed. All the conflicting priorities and deadlines, channelling energy in a new direction, and breaking old habits. It takes effort, and the client wanted to know if there was a quicker way. surely as the coach I could get them to avoid the struggle, show them a short cut? I always tell my clients that coaching doesn’t necessarily happen to you, as much as through you, so this reminded me of the story I heard as a child from the father of a good friend of mine so long ago. I saw it recently on you tube which brings it all magically back...
This is how the story goes...
There was once a boy who was always fascinated with how things worked and especially how things grew. In the garden one day he found a green spotted caterpillar on a great big leaf in the tree he was climbing. The little boy had heard that caterpillars are able to go through a miraculous transformation to become a butterfly. He became really curious and wanted so much to experience this miraculous transformation so he carefully took the leaf in his hand with the caterpillar still attached to it, and took back to show his mum.
His mum found him a book all about caterpillars and butterflies and found the exact image of what this particular little green and spotted caterpillar would become. With that image in mind the boy was excited and wanted to keep the caterpillar, so he made a deal with his mum that he would do whatever she asked him to do to nurture the caterpillar and keep it safe.
One day the caterpillar climbed upon a stick and was acting a little peculiar and the boy soon realised this was just the beginning of the transformation. The caterpillar was making it’s cocoon from which it would soon emerge miraculously transformed. It was so exciting.
Each day the boy came to look at the cocoon and sure enough, he saw that cocoon was beginning to open up right before his eyes. The boy was so proud he had nurtured his caterpillar so well and his magnificent moment was literally just within reach. He watched and watched intently as the butterfly slowly eased it’s way through the tiny hole that had opened up.
But then the boy noticed that the butterfly didn’t seem to be moving any further. The hole wasn’t widening, and he could tell there was still movement inside the cocoon because he could see the butterfly struggling. It looked like it couldn’t break free. In fact, the butterfly looked desperate. It looked like it was making no progress at all.
The boy was concerned and couldn’t let the caterpillar struggle because he had waited so long. He quickly found a pair of scissors with which he ever so carefully cut an extra snip and widened the hole in the cocoon, and after that, the butterfly quickly emerged.
At first the little boy was amazed to see the caterpillar before him, and then he was surprised to notice that butterfly had a swollen, heavy looking body, whilst the wings looked small and shriveled. He just needs to dry off thought the boy and then he will stretch out those wings and take to the air and flutter off. But the butterfly didn’t. It’s wings never stretched out, and it’s body remained plump. In fact the butterfly was never able to fly.
The little boy was devastated and cried uncontrollably, so his mum, who was very wise suggested that they visit the museum to speak to the man there who knew all about these things.
The professor was indeed very knowledgeable and the boy learned that the butterfly was supposed to struggle, and in fact the butterfly’s struggle to emerge from the cocoon was essential. Nature had created the tiny opening in the cocoon in order to squeeze the fluid out of the body, an into the wings, so without the struggle to break through the hole the butterfly could never fly. The boys good intentions to cut the butterfly free from its struggle had in fact grounded the butterfly.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives, to expand and grow, because if we were allowed to go through our lives without any obstacles or challenges, it would likely cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been, and we would never be able to S.O.A.R.
In life when we ask for strength, we are given hurdles to overcome and make us strong. We can as for wisdom, and we are given problems to challenge our minds and solve. We ask for prosperity and we are given the brains and the braun to work hard and create our fortune. We can ask for courage and we are given dilemma’s to make us choose our own path.
I asked for love, and I was given troubled people to heal and support. I asked for favour’s and was given opportunity.
Sometimes in life it can seem like we received nothing that we wanted and yet, rest assured that we got everything we needed.
Please feel free contact me and find out more about how coaching can help you become...
best regards
Anthony
Founder of Survivors Reborn!
info@survivorsofabusereborn.com
Master Emotions Like Child's Play
Who are your greatest musical influences?
Music has been around for all time and each community, tribe or generation uses music as a form of expression in one way or another. In the westernised world music has been part of peoples identity since the early influences of jazz or rock musicians.
Interesting to think that many of the great artists from the earlier part of the 20th Century that inspired a whole new culture were born out of slavery and misery. From the greatest adversity comes great opportunity. Those rhythm and blues, jazz and soul singers used music as a form of escapism and the expressive nature of lyrics and rhymes allowed people to really connect with the music, identify with it, and draw comfort. Since those early days of the twentieth century, music became much more of a fashion accessory, and in modern day we have progressed to genres like gangster rap or even music produced from sounds recorded from a computer. I heard the Rhianna tune “Umbrella” was produced on Garage Band on a Mac computer. It is still just as effective in inspiring particular sections of society.
The music we choose to listen to can either bear relation to our current mood or can be effective in changing our mood, depending on how you choose to listen to it. If you listen to music on a regular basis, tunes tend to grow on you. If you hear a particular song in a particular moment when you are also emotional, that song can have a link to those emotions. If you don’t believe that music can dramatically impact our mood and even our lives I encourage you to research how many suicides have been linked to and even blamed upon certain songs and musicians.
And on the other hand, ask any Bride and Groom how they chose the music for the first dance at their wedding. Do you know a song or tune that inspires you romantically?
I believe that you will also know certain songs that really inspire you or elicit certain emotions when you hear them played on a radio. Tell me, am I the only one that gets a song in my head and then keep on humming or whistling the tune all day, and have absolutely no idea where I heard it or even why its in my head?
What music do you listen to on a regular basis? And what impact does it have on you? do you play some tunes louder than others?
One of my favourite examples of how music can affect our moods was shortly after my second child was born. My eldest son would have been around two and a half years old and the old Iron Maiden, Guns and Roses, Van Halen, Whitesnake, had given way to “Bear in the Big Blue House” “Thomas the Tank Engine” and the all time favourite “Bob The Builder.” It was easy to see how the music from these magical creations affected the mood of my boys, and therefore me. Especially on that rather warm day, as I recall, whilst I was waiting in what should have been a short queue at the checkout in Tesco Supermarket. You know the type of “queue” I mean. Only one person in front and then out of here!!! I only had a basket with a couple of items after all.
I would have been out of there in a flash, except the checkout assistant had a challenge or two processing the shopping of the completely innocent person in front of me.
First of all barcode’s weren’t scanning properly so she needed to key in manually. Then there were items that the customer didn’t actually want anymore, despite already passing them through the till, so they needed to be cancelled off the bill, and finally TESCO vouchers that were out of date, oh, and a payment card that wouldn’t swipe (yes there was a time we used to actually “swipe” cards legally). Enough to make anyone in a rush to get out of there scream, no?
Instead of the frustration increasing inside and getting ready to burst through my vocal chords in a blood curdling scream I found myself quite calm and comforted actually. I actually recognised that I was way more patient than I would normally be so I began to pay attention inside with a sense of curiosity.
What I noticed was I was gently rocking back and forth, as I would holding my baby to comfort him. I had a tune in my head and I noticed I was actually humming it out loud. How curious. Could that be the cause of my sense of calm?
It didn’t take me long to realise that I was humming the theme to Bob The Builder! In that moment I must have gone redder than the flashing light on top of the checkout in front of me that kept summoning the supervisors attention. Although I also saw the funny side of it too.
I couldn’t help laughing to myself, inside at first. But my giggles grew and actually became audible, much to the distress of the already distressed checkout assistant. I think it must have been their first day and she thought I was giggling at her struggling to command the till!.
And in that moment I realised that there was a powerful connection between what we focus on and how we feel. I had been practising humming the tunes to my children which had clearly impacted on me, therefore when I found myself in a potentially stressful situation, especially because I hate queuing, my mind took evasive action and brought the very same tunes that had calmed me before back to life. Just in case you want to, here is a link to the theme tune:
I have looked back on this and thought would I have chosen those tunes consciously? And the answer is, no, of course I wouldn’t. No doubt though that my unconscious thought pattern was effective in achieving the desired result because I had rehearsed the pattern many times soothing my children, and therefore myself. This is like creating a shortcut to your favourite place. It s what we would also call an “anchor” in NLP. The more you use it, the clearer the path becomes, and the more likely you are to adopt it each time you want to go there.
If you would like to know more about “anchors” and NLP coaching come to the website:
http://www.freelifeaudit.co.uk
or sign up for this months teleseminar by the same name...
- Posted from London, United Kingdom
Who Do You Serve Every Day?
Who Do You Serve? What are the different you hats you have to wear everyday? Are you a parent? A child, a team manager, a leader, an employee, a business owner, a member of a club, or a devoted partner? Everyday, in every way, you have this challenge and opportunity whereby you get to serve everyone else in your life. And very often you make up all kinds of stories of having a mission or a vision of a life of service to others, and making a difference. Of course you want to add massive value to the lives of others, just to make you feel better, as though you have accomplished something. Spare a moments thought before reading on. How much of a difference did you make today? Where have you added massive value to your life this week? This Month? You may have noticed that the year is disappearing fast. You may have even made some goals for the year, way back in January when one year became the next. Well I really applaud and acknowledge you for taking that time to consider what was important to you then, and we are one sixth of the way through the year and I know that not all of my goals have come to fruition, yet. How are you doing with yours? So let me ask of you again, who do you really spend your time serving? You see, I was thinking about this very question at my desk where I have a particular role to play out. This particular role is often controversial and gives me the opportunity to upset or delight people on a daily basis. Yeah, sounds like the ideal job right? Nothing like balance in life is there? Do I really want to be in a position where someone is upset or delighted just because of a decision I choose to make? Have you ever faced a similar situation? The real issue is that in this particular role I am serving different people at the same time with differing and sometimes opposing needs. OK so here is a little more detail so you can follow along. In this role I work as a Quality Control Officer for my organisation. My role requires me to ensure my organisation’s products and services meet a certain standard before approving and sending on to our partner organisations. With the stroke of a pen, or a keyboard to be more precise, I can pass or fail whatever is presented for me to review. Can you relate to this at all? I get to be the middle man, if you will. And here is the challenge. My organisation is made up of team players with their own group managers and group leaders. Each of those teams has objectives and they have to produce results, and of course the team leaders are accountable up the chain to the branch co ordinators. The team players go beavering away to bring back the fruits of their labour’s for me to assess and dispose of, hopefully with a positive result for them so they can show statistacally how well they have performed that month, for my organisation. Imagine for a moment, the organisation has to deliver the goods otherwise the funding is gone and likely so is the organisation! So the group leaders often put their managers and their staff under pressure to make quick easy results to boost their teams performance figures. That way the organisation stays afloat, and goes about it’s business. I am sure you will have heard the phrase “shit travels downhill” in organisational jargon and it basically means that when the “boss” is faced with a problem, a challenge if you are more optimistic, he sends it downhill to the next in command for them to come up with some outstanding new idea’s. All the boss really wants to do is choose the best option for the organisation. So he needs the data to know where to put the resources. However, the second in command is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard, and they have always been in someone else’s shadow anyway, so they send the problem downhill and get the branch co ordinators in on the job, and by this time the message is already coming across as a “We are not performing, what are you going to do about it?” message. The initail vision of the “boss” has been misunderstood and regurgitated with the agenda of the second in command. You understand the concept of Chinese whispers don’t you? This is what occurs when your values are not aligned. Part of you wants one thing and part you wants another. The desired outcome might be the same, but you find yourself in a quandary, worrying about which decision to make. So you don’t make any. The branch coordinator is equally as flumaxed, and will misinterpret the message. Everyone worked their tails off last month so what on earth do the senior leaders expect of us now? At the same time the branch coordinators have their eye on the second in command’s job, don’t they? So down they go and kiss that fat-cat’s ass, take on the challenge and send it downhill to their team leaders. Hopefully the snowball effect isn’t at play otherwise things could be getting quite hectic at the worker level couldn’t they? Delightedly the team leaders, take the problem over, as their learning and development opportunity. They can really turn this around and shine and they simply can’t understand how the “BC” can earn that kind of money for basically doing rock all, and they are sure they could do the job with their eyes closed. On top of that, maybe they have a dinner appointment with the bosses partner later that evening and they might be able to get an inside spin on what is really going on. Its all about who you know after all. This is going to be a cinch and the team leader will have this issue solved in a flash, because let’s face it, no one else seems to know what to do, do they? So the next team meeting comes along and the team leaders know the team are pretty much running on empty, but they simply must produce more, and there are loads of simple ways to achieve this. Forget quality, lets go for quantity. Quick fix time. How to feel good in an instant. You see where this is going? My workload double’s because the team brings in more and more “stuff” for me to quality control. But that doesn’t mean the results double does it? And then of course the bottleneck comes. So whilst there is a quick fix, an instant gratification, the overall impact is less in line with our real goals and value’s. So next month comes around and how do the figures look? Bleak! How come we are not really hitting our targets? The team worked so hard we brought in more pieces of work than ever. Just take a look at the Quality Control Officer, they are the ones who reject everything! Eeeek! Someone has to be accountable don’t they, or else how are you going to evaluate the results you are getting? How do you evaluate where you are on your mission, your goals? I guess it might as well be me. So. I am employed by the organisation right? I am signed up to the organisation values, mission and goals. Those are my filters when I am called upon to make a decision. And I am the scapegoat for the “poor” performance of the team. Let me ask you a question though, if you buy a hammer from a DIY store, who’s responsibility is it to get great value for your money on that hammer? Are you going to use it, or not? The trouble for me is that our partners are often frustrated by some of the materials passed their way which looks dreadful for our image and means the partner wants to put even more sanctions on us to make sure we send better quality products or service. So now I have my organisation scrutinising my performance and the partner organisations looking closely at me, not quite as content with the service they are getting either. Who do I serve first? Do I serve the team leader who just wants to look good for their dinner with the bosses partner, the branch co ordinator who quite often isn’t really concerned either way, because they know they send the problem downhill anyway. It’s only their position in the organisation that drive’s them. They will deliver results or heads will roll. Do I serve the team player who brings the product to me for assessing, because they are already on a warning and if they don’t get their figures up its the dole queue for them? I mean come on, they have a family and kids and look after a sick parent on their day off. No wonder they all look so jaded. They have the team leaders teling them one thing and me telling them another! How can they get any focus when the lens’s aren’t aligned? Do I serve the partner organistion’s who lets face it, basically without them we’d really be up the creek? Do I serve the boss of the organisation who actually has more of a grasp of the wider picture than the rest of us? Or is that just name dropping? Of course at some level, I serve them all. I educate the team players who need to improve their game to be more effective. I reflect on performance and feed back to the other managers and keep them in the loop when things are not going great. I serve the team leaders by ensuring that team players raise their game and improve their performance making the team leader look like some sort of magician with the figures. And of course I serve the people and partners who my organisation really serves. That’s all well and good. But who serves me? I do. In everything I do, everything I say, every thought I have serves me in some way. I have a job that pays the rent. I get a salary. I get a pension fund. It all serves me. It has to doesn’t it? because my organisation is “ME Incorporated”. every level in that organisation is like a filter, that affects how I view the world, how I re present what my experience of life is. So let me ask you again. Who do you serve? Are you meeting your most important needs? Hitting your personal targets? Are you living your life according to your own values? Let me tell you one thing is for certain. If you are not working on your own goals and dreams, you will be used to work on someone else’s. If you want to find out what is most important for you and maybe re align your compass, come and check out Free life Audit! Let me serve you to get more of your goals. Don’t worry. That’s not a “cop out” on my part. It’s what I love and truly believe in. and the more people I help get what they truly want, the closer I am to getting what I truly want. Register here... its free, but then only if you are one of the first ten to step up. http://freelifeaudit.eventbrite.com Visit the FREE Life Audit Website here:
CAN YOU SURVIVE DOMESTIC ABUSE?
SUCCESS is an interesting topic when you think about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Success might mean you have fewer bruises this time, or you weren't raped, or you have your life. SUCCESS is relative to where you are now. When you survive day to day it can be difficult to think outside of that domestic violence environment. Survivors of Abuse Reborn was set up to inspire SUCCESS, to acknowledge SUCCESS and to Celebrate SUCCESS. For Survivors of Abuse Reborn, SUCCESS means a life was saved. What does success mean to you?
Here is one such story that has been gratefully shared...
"I always had low self-esteem as a child, don't really know why (lovely home, loving family). I always hooked up with the guys that treated me badly and became entrenched in a cycle of failing relationships. One of these men kicked me deliberately in the stomach, killing his unborn child, which did not survive. I left him but the patterns continued to repeat, though I tried consciously to change what I could clearly see wasn’t working. Find this and more stories on the website at http://www.survivorsofabusereborn.com/Success.html I am a survivor, what will you become?
Nearly 20 years later another man broke my nose, and this was my trigger point. I just knew that I could not spend the rest of my life with anger and low self-esteem.
I went to counselling which helped me recognise the patterns, but didn’t help me change my thinking- I was still on auto pilot When it came to certain flash subjects.
5 years ago I took my son away from all that and started again. I was looking, looking for that magic cure. And I found a great personal development seminar that changed my life.
Now I have a great coach, I run my own business, have bought my own house that I share with my son. I have a boyfriend that is gentle, who never shouts or swears at me or tries to control me. I try to waste nothing on behaviours that do not serve me.
Now I have got everything I chose for myself and now I can choose whatever else Id like more. I am 43 now and 5 years since leaving.
Wouldn’ t it be great to have those first 38 years again?
If you are in an abusive relationship, and if there is anything, no matter how slight, compelling you to leave, to understand more, take action, please take it."
Decisions Decisions: The Boundary Conditions of our Thinking
Are you sometimes faced with a quandary when no matter which route you take it will be challenging? When either choice has benefits or consequences?
OF course you have. It happens everyday actually. It’s just that we don’t usually have to over analyze everyday decisions and choices. For example today I was faced with a challenge, and lets face it, navigating across London often is a challenge.
Even before I left the house I was faced with an important decision. I found that the postman had delivered some mail and it was there on the floor on the floor by the door as I was leaving. I was expecting some important bank documents through so immediately as I saw the mail I was drawn to pick it up and then read it. I also knew I had to get to the train station, and I was so eager to read my mail, so I made the decision to take it with me, just to make sure I got to my first platform on time.
I did, and had a few moments spare so I got to look at my mail. I got the documents I needed from the bank, so feeling quite relieved I stuffed the mail into my coat pocket and found a bin for the envelopes and all the usual junk that comes with the stuff you actually want. I often think its no wonder the banks were out of pocket recently with all the useless printing they do. Anyway, my train arrived and a few minutes later we were pulling into my first destination where I needed to make a change.
So there I was, just stepping off the train at London Bridge Rail station thinking about the next leg of my journey to work. I was thinking that I have a choice. I can go for the Jubilee Line, which will take me as far as Baker Street where I would pick up the Bakerloo Line train towards Harrow and Wealdstone. The down side of that is that the Bakerloo Line frequently stops at Queens Park, and I would have to change again to get the Overground Train from Queens Park to Wembley Central, my final destination. Alternatively, I can jump on the Northern Line Train to Euston and take the overground from there all the way to Wembley Central. Its a far simpler route, the downside is that I don’t have a timetable for that train and I could end up waiting a while at Euston, which would mean I could be late for work.
Actually, I realized that I have plenty of time and therefore the latter route is significantly more appealing. I prefer the overground trains by far, they are quieter, more spacious, and, there are less changes for me to make. So off I set towards Euston, to conquer the the London transport system again.
Straight away as I arrived at the platform for the Northern Line I began to doubt the wisdom of my choice. Have you ever had that experience? You have to make a choice quite quickly, its either this way or that way, and as soon as you decide you begin to have doubts. The platform was really busy. Not quite rush hour busy, but you couldn’t even see the other end of the platform. It stank of the most awful smell like food that has gone off a few days prior, and then to add to my discomfort a whole playground full of noisy school kids arrived. All of a sudden the Jubilee Line seemed like it would have been a much sweeter option.
Anyway, I was there, and the train was only 2 minutes away, so of course I wasn’t going back on my decision to follow this route and as the saying goes, “when you are in Hell, keep going!” The train arrived and actually wasn’t that busy which meant miraculously I got to sit down on. It also seemed as though teacher had a certain way with the kids who were pretty well behaved, so I was pleased with myself once again. Perhaps it was the right choice after all. This journey wasn’t going to be half as challenging as I thought it would. All systems go.
I arrived at Euston where I now need to get to the overground. I was feeling quite good, had plenty of time and I had acquired a gate pass only the day before so wouldn’t even have to wait to get through the ticket barriers onto the platform. Great! except my gate pass wasn’t where I thought I had put it, so I spent a moment of slight concern as to where it might be. Then I remembered, it was in the cover for my mobile phone. Phew. Onwards to the gates and as I looked at the “Departures” monitor I was delighted to see that I had only a few minutes to wait until the train departed. This was great, I definitely made the right choice. So pass in hand I go to the gate. Access Denied! Now, I was a little confused at this point. I only acquired my gate pass yesterday and it was supposed to make things easier, but I get to the gate today and it is not working. I have to wait for the guard who is on the other side of the barrier taking far too long dealing wit another issue far less needy than mine because my train is right there on the platform. Funny how the universe delivers the absolute right scenario to bring us into balance whenever our emotions step out of line.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity (probably about a minute and a half to you) the guard comes across and tells me that the mobile phone could have wiped the magnetic strip of data, which would explain why it wasn’t working, so at least I learned something, and I still had plenty of time to get on the train.
The journey to work after that was much less complicated and I arrived in plenty of time to get settled before my shift started. When it was time for a lunch break I decided to check the mail I had picked up at home again so retrieved the letters from my coat pocket. That was when I realized to my horror that the bank letter I had been waiting for for the past two weeks was now soaking in a litter bin on the platform of Greenwich Rail Station, and it was the envelope and junk mail that were left in my pocket.
So when you think about my whole journey and how even simple decisions can affect our emotions and therefore our behaviours, can you imagine what thoughts and decisions you are are affecting your life?. Do I act now or save it till later. Do I go this route or that route. Do I keep items here or there. You see it does not matter what you do, there will always be a benefit and a consequence. Sometimes it’s not necessarily about the choice you make, but how you then deal with the benefit or the consequence of taking that action or even not taking that action.
It is a well known statistic that many marriages fail around this time of year, just after Christmas, and one famous newspaper has referred to it as D-Day, as a kind of relationship take on the D-Day landings. It wasn’t the end of the war exactly, but it was a significant step.
In relationships it doesn’t necessarily take such a huge effort as the D-Day landings to make a significant shift in the outcome. However, sometimes a lack of action can be just as decisive in determining the outcome. If you are a part of one of those couples who faced such challenges over Christmas then you may feel you need to make some crucial decisions about the future of your relationship. I have been in your shoes and know exactly what that feels like.
Listen, when you feel in a place of overwhelm someone may have said “come to your senses” and there is more wisdom in that than you may at first realize. Most of the thinking we do is a “reconstruction” of what is rather than the real thing itself. Any experience we have comes from through our five senses first and it is our thoughts about them which create our emotions and behaviours. When someone tells you to come to your senses, what they are really saying is take a fresh look at what is going on around you, hear the messages and get a feel for the right thing because you may very well be misinterpreting something that has ruffled your own values. You may be so caught up in your own thinking and interpretation you are missing the bigger picture. Yes, divorce is readily available and even “quickie”divorce packages are readily available on the internet, but the long term impact could be something quite different.
Think about the benefits and the consequences, not just for yourself, but for others who may be impacted at this time too.
This is a really great time to get absolutely clear about what you want in life and create some real goals that you want to achieve. Once you know what they are, your thoughts and decisions will at least have a true purpose to link to. The simple task of traveling from Greenwich to Wembley Central brought with it a whole host of decisions and challenges. The journey you are on is much more significant.
If you would like to join me for a free tele-seminar email me at coaching@tonyhealer.com and I will send you the dial in instructions. This Thursday 13th Jan 2011. the seminar begins at 7:30pm prompt. Check out my previous blog for more details.
FREE Life Audit!
Announcing a new Tele-Confernce for Survivors Reborn London!
What: FREE LIFE AUDIT Teleseminar
When: 22 March 2011, 1900 hrs GMT (7:30pm)
Price: FREE! (you simply pay for a local rate phone call)
Where: Dial in number and Conference PIN will be provided. RVSP here: http://www.meetup.com/Survivors-Reborn/
This Survivors Reborn meet up is for people who know the importance of setting great goals to achieve more in life. This is for people who absolutely resolve to make 2011 the best year yet!
New Years resolutions are fantastic, but how many of set new years resolutions that fade away by mid January, or if you actuallly give it a go, by February?
This teleconference is going to explore some of the major reasons why some people set goals but dont take action, and make sure that you are not one of those people.
You will get a 75 minute conference in which you can share some of your dreams, and go through a process to turn them into reality.
You will uncover what will be the most important area's for you to focus on as we enter into 2011.
You will get to CREATE an inspiring goal that you will want to go on and achieve.
If you are new to meet up this is also a great way to introdcue yourself and find out more before you dive right in to the face to face workshops!
Remember this meet up takes place in the comfort of your own home. All you need is the dial in number and conference pin number. The conference will go live at 7:30pm, and all the details will be provided by email to confirmed attendees.
Anthony
Dare To SOAR!
Yesterday I was privileged to attend an amazing presentation in Salford, Greater Manchester, where survivors of domestic abuse were proudly displaying their exclusively designed T-Shirts to a deeply moved audience. Many eyes in the house were watering at the stories that were unfolding before them and just one glance at the captions that individuals have recorded was enough to put a lump in my throat. Spare a thought as you ponder the statistics. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her life time. Is that your family, friend or neighbour? How many women do you know personally? How many of them do you know have experienced any kind of domestic abuse?
The T Shirts are really just the tip of the ice berg in a visual awareness campaign with the intention of ending violence against women. Novemeber 25th has now become internationally recognised as “End Violence Against Women Day.” Even local the radio station, BBC Radio Manchester has dedicated a fair amount of air time to the subject, which is a massive step forward. Well done Heather for taking this amazing opportunity to bring this topic to the fore.
Greater Manchester Police have become one of three constabularies in the UK to pilot a new initiative which gives greater powers for the immediate protection of women, men and families where such violence exists. Instead of relying on the slow wheels of justice a senior police officer will be able to use the immediately available power of “common sense” to decide if a person will be excluded from a house or other location. The power will then be sanctioned by the courts at a later date. The purpose of this brand new tool is for it to be enforceable for a short period which gives the parties involved time to breath and really take stock of the situation. It will be a time when the support services can engage and provide support and advice as necessary to enable individuals to make more considered decisions about the next step. This is also a great opportunity for those individuals to access the services that are going to empower the individual to make better choices about their future. For me it was personal coaching that enabled me to get my life back together and that is exactly what I can now offer to others through my company, “A Healer Limited”.
As founder of Survivors of Abuse Reborn I was deeply touched to see how the women of Salford have really applied the idea and produced some works of art that really pull at the heart strings. In fact I challenge you not to feel a tear as you look at the display and consider the words that have been used on individual designs. None of the words or the designs had been prescribed. These are all the powerful emotions and thoughts of those who have been directly affected by domestic violence in some way. That said the importance of this whole project is that these T Shirts are a sign post to others who may have found themselves in that situation, maybe with a sense of isolation, and often disbelief that it could have happened to them. These T Shirts are proof that no matter what you have experienced there is another way; there is another option and a choice to make. More importantly there are others who have been there and worn the T Shirt! In executive and personal coaching we often look for the leading lights who have already travelled that road. Seek them out, find out how they did it, and follow their example. Without that simple principle we wouldn’t have phenomenal athletes, powerful business people, or film idols for example. Somebody always shows us the way.
750 000 children are affected by domestic violence each year and a simple slogan on the T Shirt says openly “Don’t cry Mummy, its better now” with an image of a tearful eye says it all. Wouldn’t it be great to show our kids a better way?
Would you like to become involved in SOAR?
I am looking to network with passionate individuals eager to make a difference in their community and ready to take on this fantastic project.
Contact me via email coaching@tonyhealer.com and mention your interest in SOAR!
I am available for individual or group coaching within your community. Either you want to create a support group or would like help to promote and grow your network. Once you have created your SOAR group and have the T Shirts you have a valuable asset that can be used for that purpose, to promote your group and raise awareness. Visit http://www.survivorsofabusereborn.com for more details of how you can set up a group or even use the project for your own group. I am on hand to support you in the first stages and can’t wait to see you SOAR!
Please help me promote this fantastic campaign and share the details with your friends via facebook and twitter or by whatever means you have available to you. Look out for further details of new groups coming soon.
Weather The Storm
You may well believe you are about to embark upon an epic adventure with the thrilling opening scene depicting a great battle with the forces of nature, but in fact, think about these scenes long enough and you can realise that most stories are simply metaphors that fit in some way into our lives. Relationships are like epic voyages, and many times the calm seas, beauiful views, long lazy days, late fun filled nights give way to more turbulent swell. And we head straight into it, don't we?
As the Survivors Reborn Coach I enjoy using metaphor's to depict these critical aspect of our lives. When your relationship is heading directly into that storm, remember that there is an incredible opportunity for you to learn and grow. Remember the reason you set out on the voyage in the first place, and realise to turn back now does not serve anyone, including yourself.
Relationships are simply the life journey's we take with other. I once listened to a great teacher telling how he had heard that relationships are "ships of relating". They are the vessels of how we relate to each other. Some of your journeys may be like a short stroll through the park, or a simple ride to a place of work, whilst others might be more like the epic voyage! And lets face it, who wouldn't like at least one epic voyage in life? If you don't want to weather the storm at sea your ship can stay in the harbour, but ships aren't built to stay in the harbour are they?
The truth is, no matter whether we decide to take that epic voyage or not, we are going to encounter some stormy sea's along the way. We are going to visit distant shores never encountered before, learn new exotic cultures, experience different beliefs and values that may often be different to our own. The challenges you face in any relationship may be metaphorically like the stormy weather, or you might feel like you are sinking fast, having engine failure, are lost at sea or even about to crash against the rocks.
These are the times and place where you need all of your resources most and yet, at that very moment what happens? We completely lose touch with our crew and how they are running the ship.We start to look outside of ourselves for answers to questions like "Why is this happening to me?"
If you simply stop, and ask a different question like "how have I created this situation?" you can create a whole new feeling that enables you take responsibility and then begin to search for the right resources to get you back on course. Often times when you find yourself amongst the rocks you can find a great lighthouse to provide illumination and clarity for the course you want to be plotting.
You find many lighthouses in different situations, and there was a great story, you may have even seen a TV commercial where the "USS Lincoln" finds itself on a direct collision course. The lighthouse station called Arctowski is probably the most southerly lighthouse in the world. Built at the Polish research station in Antarctica named after Henryk Arctowski, the famous 19th century Polish geographer and Antarctic explorer.
The following is the transcript of the radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland:
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse, over...
I love this story, and Stephen Covey used it in his awesome book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to beautifully illustrate a point. Of course the lighthouse isn't there to prevent our progress. the lighthouse represents the opportunity to make progress, and avoid crashing against the rocks. What are the resources and the light houses available to you?
Purpose and Values, Personal Breakthroughs, and Goal Creation may be some of the ways coaching could help launch your greatest adventure yet. Find out more at: http://www.anthonyhealer.com
All I Want For Christmas: Goal Setting
Hi, how many of you know someone who sets goals and then does nothing about them? Maybe somebody you know intimately?
How many of you already know what you want for Christmas?
One of the main reasons why people often don’t get what they want in life is either they don’t set goals or they don’t create their goals in the way they will occur.
I’m Anthony Healer, a master practitioner in NLP and Results Coaching Systems trained life coach. What I want to show you is one of the best ways to create your goals in the way in which they will occur, sort of tipping the scale and infinitely increasing your chances of success.
What I am going to show you specifically is the CREATE model of goal setting.
Let’s start right at the beginning then:
"C". This stands for Clarity, and you are probably already aware of how critical clarity is to success in any area of your life. How can you succeed if you don’t even know what success means to you? This is one of the key reasons why many people fold at the first hurdle. They simply don’t get absolutely clear what it is they want. If you want a car, say what type, say what colour, get specific. The second reason why many people don’t achieve their goals is they don’t get absolutely clear why they want it. Sometimes, having a big enough "why" is far more important than "how." For example, if your partner doesn’t get that diamond ring this Christmas you are history, could be a pretty powerful motivator either way.
"R" stands for Realistic. Speaking to you as a coach I attach no judgement to this whatsoever, in fact, this is really your own personal checking mechanism. For example if what you really want for Christmas is a brand new white Porsche from your dad, but you recently got six points on your licence after you wrapped his Aston Martin around a lamp post, you might not realistically expect success in that goal. As your coach I believe in your potential to stretch yourself. Stretch too far and you will likely talk yourself out of the goal. Don’t stretch enough and your motivation will disappear more quickly and you will become disinterested in the goal.
"E" stands for End Step. This is much more than just the desired outcome. What I mean by that is, what is the evidence will you need to know you have achieved this goal? So, for example If my goal was to get a brand new white Porsche for Christmas, for me the evidence procedure would be open the gift box and find the keys on the black leather key fob with the shiny metal Porsche logo. What would be your end step to know you got what you wanted?
"A" is for As If Now! As if when please? So you want to get into the habit of stating your goal in a way that is as if you are completely experiencing your end step right now. Use the date by which you want to achieve the goal by, e.g., "It is now December 25th and I am holding the keys to my brand new Porsche key in my right hand, feeling the cold metal insignia against the hard leather keyfob, and I am speachless with open mouthed excitement", or something along those lines. You get the picture? What would make you drool with open mouthed excitement?
"T" is for Towards which really means use positive language that is towards that which you want rather than that which you don’t. For example if I were to think that I really don't want one of those blue Toyota Auris's, what would my attention be on? Very good, it would be on one of those blue Toyota Auris's wouldn't it? So guess what is more likely to show up? Your mind doesn’t really distinguish a negatively stated outcome and basically deletes the "DONT" part of the statement. Where your attention goes, energy flows and your results will show, so be careful what you think about. State your goal in the positive.
"E" the second E stands for Ecology. For every goal, or behaviour there will be a consequence. Ecology is about the nature of the consequence and whether or not it is something that is good for you, good for others, and good for the environment as a whole. If it meets those three things it will clearly be a goal worth going for. In my example, getting a brand new white Porsche might be really good for me, and really good for my buddy who get to come for a ride in it, but in truth, if this means I'm going to end up in massive debt having to pay for it and the kids will only get to eat beans for the next six months it wouldn’t be a totally ecological goal, bah humbug! I guess I'll settle for a nice warm scarf to wrap me up for that morning stroll to the train station.
So folks, that’s the CREATE model all wrapped up for you. I’m Anthony Healer, and if you want to know more sign up to my brand new coaching web site http://www.anthonyhealer.com or contact me to arrange a Free introductory coaching session. (Check out that page now)
In the mean time may I wish you all a very merry Christmas Season. Be Safe, Be Happy, and Dare To Soar!
http://www.survivorsofabusereborn.com/
What are the warning signs in your relationship?
I know that sounds a little fantastic but I truly believe that in order to experience really great relationships you have to set inspiring goals and then grow and evolve to achieve them. How many of you would prefer to achieve inspiring goals in your relationships? Some of you will have already read my last article which was about the greater the challenge the brighter the light of opportunity. Personally, I’d rather take steps towards what I want than away from what I don’t. The trouble in life is that people usually wait until the boiler breaks down before they call the plumber in. I’m willing to wager that a few of us have been stung by that look on the plumbers face, oh come on you know the one where the plumber looks on and makes that sharp intake of breath? You know your wallet is going to take a huge hit, don’t you? If only you had taken out that maintenance contract, right?
And it’s the same in many other aspects of life. E.g. how motivated to install an intruder alarm would you be immediately after being burgled and having your families’ possessions stolen?
How we do one thing is how we do everything. So how does this relate to our relationships? Depends hugely on where you are in yours. If you just started out then the likely hood is you got the rose tinted glasses on and are full of infatuation, and nothing your significant other can do will challenge your love for them. On the other hand, you may be a little passed that point and you are getting new insights about your significant other, maybe a pair of socks left on the floor, or waiting an eternity to use the bathroom? It also depends hugely on how open you are to understanding each other’s values and how they will be achieved. Communication is obviously important, but awareness is critical.
Go back to the burglary example. Before you install that alarm system you first need to be aware where the weak points are, don’t you? What’s the point in fitting window locks and alarms on a fifth floor window, for example?
I was doing some research and I came across an article that I really wanted to share with you. I took the artistic license to adapt the article so it fits more closely with the real message. This article may give you some awareness of the six classic weak points that may be present in your relationship.
1 You're living parallel but independent lives.
This happens a good deal more frequently than you may imagine, principally when 2 people have been married or living together for a number of years. You share a house, you share a bed, but little else. Instead of actually living as a couple, you both do your own thing. You survive more like roommates than a loving couple, as well as your own activities, hobbies, along with friends. Despite the fact that it might appear to be "working" on the surface, it is frequently a red flag of a critical relationship crisis.
2 There is abuse of any kind.
Abuse of any type should on no account be tolerated within a relationship. Various people, and particularly women, deny the mistreatment if their significant other is not hitting them or else physically harming them. They fail to acknowledge that ill-treatment also encompasses things such as pushing, using intimidation or threats, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. When mistreatment is present, it is a neon-flashing indicator of a extremely serious relationship crisis. There are also patterns of abuse that can lead to an increase in frequency or severity. If you think this applies take a look at http://www.survivorsofabusereborn.com/ for some ideas that may help. There is also a "risk assessment" tool used by the police that you may find useful.
3 One or both of you is playing the blame game.
You are either at cause or at effect of the results you are experiencing in your relationship. Part of being an grownup entails taking responsibility for your own role in any kind of relationship situation. That means through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer remember? No one of us are flawless human beings and relationship problems are by no means one-sided. If nothing else, at least one person is permitting the other to be disrespectful to the other persons values. Blame is harmful and accomplishes nothing. What does it accomplish please? If one or both of you is blaming the other for any troubles in your relationship, you are already in or heading in the direction of a relationship state critical. If you are achieving nothing you can guarantee nothing will get resolved until the blame stops, and you step up to your own responsibility.
4 There is significant unresolved conflict.
One of the top ways to keep a relationship healthy and prevent a major relationship alert state is to keep the avenues of interaction open and work to resolve conflicts speedily. Remember in management feedback is only effective if it dealt with up front as soon after the performance issue as possible. Regrettably, a lot of couples permit conflicts to go unsettled plus to fester for a awfully long time. Have you ever had that argument and brought up that time years ago when your partner behaved so awfully and how that was just typical of them? Effective resolution tool huh? Sadly, unresolved conflicts don't go away on their own plus can gradually tear a relationship apart. One or both companions will regularly feel aggrieved or infuriated, plus those emotions always emerge one way or another. If you are storing these emotions for a rainy day, make sure your flood defences are adequate!
5 Infidelity.
When infidelity creeps into a relationship it will always impact the relationship in some way, even if the non-offending partner is totally ignorant of the affair. People who are in truly happy, fulfilling relationships will hardly ever cheat on their partners. Those who do are often seeking to get a need met (whether emotional or sexual) that is not being met within the relationship. While often a symptom of a relationship alert state that already existed, infidelity can also be the cause and shift your alert state right up to critical. There are of course schools of thought where infidelity can be overcome, and can be worked through. It will all come down to your own values and how you perceive this threat to your relationship. As in my previous blog about meanings, this will massively dictate what your response will be.
6 Inadequate sex life. (interpret this how you will)
Sexual intimacy is one of the fundamental human needs and separates a marriage or other fully committed relationship from the other relationships in each partners' lives. For women, sex is often driven by emotion and makes them feel loved and desired, and for men sex is a physical need and often a primary way they communicate love for their companion. When sex is absent or taking place very occasionally, it is generally a sure sign of a major relationship alert and likely to be heading toward level critical if it isn’t there already.
I hope this has given you some insight and inspiration. Many people face situation critical in their relationships and simply give up. Many more survive and thrive. What will you become?
Because you are reading this as a welcome guest to my blog you might visit my "free coaching" page and take up this fantastic opportunity. In the meantime, may you achieve the health, wealth and amazing relationships you desire!
